Wow, it's been a REALLY long time since i updated this site.  Well, lots of things happened between now and then. I got into a very cool apartment with 2 really nice friends of mine.  We've never had a fight and whenever we talk, we usually be able to laugh and share everything from the coolest thing that was written in Thermodynamic books to the cutest guy in lecture.  I don't know where i would end up without you girls  :)

School is alot harder this year and i'm way busier than ever.  But this year i bought myself a new Sunfire! woohoo... So everything kinda keeps me on the edge.  On top of that, I am able to pull myself together and stand up straight (if you don't know what i mean, look back at the other old blogs, you'll see why i was so "cheesy" and pathetic). 

Coming back to school is like going back home.  Dispike the first week when i couldn't eat a thing, threw up every time i eat, and mop like a cry baby, things are much better now.  Got really cool neighboors who never lock their door, and readily lend me a hand from hanging up a mirror to moving the huge recliner to the 3rd floor of the building.  Thanks alot guys.  Love having you at dinner almost every night  :)  So anyways, my guy's stories sounds much better now.

Mister Mystery is still coming back now and then but those dreams i have about him are all wishful dreams now more than ever.  I wish i had done something differently but wishing is not a solution.  The real answer is how i would handle myself when time like that comes again.  And i'm confidence to say that i'm much better than the person i used to be.  It's amazing to grow and, even more fascinating, to be able to see myself grow.  Life could never be better than this.  I have all I need.  Why not make the best out of everything before it walks out of my life again.

After about 3 weeks, I have lots of time to think about the future and where I am compared with my family, friends, and my love for him. 

This summer turns out to be a very bad one consider how i feel about being away from home, Annie, and friends.  I also don't feel like this internship is the right one for me.  Eventhough i get paid pretty well, i still rather stay at home with Annie and spend the last summer i could be free with her.  There is one good thing about the summer.  It helps me finding out how much i should overcome to achieve my dreams.  Engineering might be something i would be interesting in studying but my interest stops there.  I can't sit in the office and call people 24/7 for some stupid crap i have to make sure arriving ontime or setting up schedule for some upgrades, or even conducting a meeting that everyone around the globe participates in.  I don't care about how good it sounds because that's not what i want to do in the future.  Sometimes going to work is a lot for me to get off the bed in the morning.  Now everything is clear, i only have one more target to aim: Going to Med school and become a doctor no matter what it takes.

Over the course of this summer, i met someone who taught me so much about life.  I don't know how to describe how glad i am to know him.  He has a warm hard.  He cares about other people around him.  When he was with me, I thought I couldn't ask for more.  We went out for a while but then because of some stupid things i did we went our seperate ways.  It was like I was going to hell and back for 9 times.  It was killing me whenever i thought about him which happened almost every second during that week.  But the break up helped me to know more about myself that i used to refuse before.  I grow and so does he.  Now i learn how to be happy just by myself without the need of leaning on to someone or something else.  Eventhough i'm still broken from all the ordeal i have to go through, no family, away from friends, doing something that is killing me each day, and emotionally distant from the one person i ever felt connected to, I still need to detach myself from those obstacles and just look at the bright side.  Maybe a temporary indifference is needed.  Maybe i just need to numb myself from all the pain then i would be ok for the summer.  I know that when i go home to see my family, I will be ok.  And when i go back to school, i know my friends won't make me feel down and i will be busy enough to go crazy... in the good way    and i will be dating the books constantly so maybe no time for guys too! woohoo!!!  yeah you can say that i'm such a dork ... hehe 

For those of you who wonder about how in the world i landed myself a nice first prize scholarship, this is my essay.  Give me some feed back on how you think about it. 

Using Technology in the Medical Field
 
When Fall comes around, I will go back to college as a Junior at The University of Michigan with only one goal in mind: trying to learn as much as I can in the last two concentrating years to become a Mechanical Engineer.  Since the time I had lost someone dearest to me, I determined to dedicate my time and to use my knowledge of the new technology in the medical field to make a difference in someone’s life once I graduate.

When I was young, my great uncle died from liver cancer.  He was someone I could share everything in my life with.  He was my best friend.  One day, he had suddenly gone without telling me that he would come back.  I always wish I could do something to help my great uncle so he could stay with me just for another day. 

Since then, I always wonder why nobody thought about designing a device that could replace the function of a kidney and save a human’s life?  I had to do something to help everyone whose life is in danger of any incurable diseases. With new technology, doctors could still save life even when patients lost all of their hopes!  With my internship with General Electric Medical Systems this summer, I will try my best to learn and apply all of my knowledge from college to help GE build their new machines for the hospitals.  I will make
my great uncle proud of his grown- up niece.

Another day, another stories to tell.  This morning, I work up and went for a run.  After that, i went to the pool and saw a little boy about 2 years old.  He has blond short hair and a pair of blue eyes.  He was not very shubby but somehow he looks so damn cute    He was in the water with his mom.  They danced in the water and he absolutely loved it.  Whenever they twirled around in the water, he ooked so happy with his eyes shut, his face looked up into the sky, and his arms extended out.  He loved to stand on the side of the pool and then jumped right back into the water while his mom was waiting to catch him. Sometimes he lied faced down on the ground and put his foot into the water first to test it and then whoosh he was already in the water.  He enjoyed the water so much.  He didn't stop smilling and laughing for over an hour.  Then his mom and her girl friend went out for a smoke so he had to get out of the pool area to be with them too.  It was not really healthy for him to stick around them and inhale all that smoke.  He was crying when they had to leave the pool for a quick smoke.  Then when he was outside, he kept on running back and forth between his mom and the fence to the pool.  He pointed to the pool and said "water! water" in the little kid's voice and tried to get his mom's attention.  The way he ran was really cute.  He looked so much like a little monkey who loves to be active all the time and who also loves to swim and be in the water.  He made me smile all the time i was there.

Later, i went to volunteer at a nursery home.  Everyone was in a wheel chair and it was downtown in the city so it doesn't have very nice facility.  Some people haven't even gotten outside since their first day of stay.  The smell inside was kind of sickening.  It was stuffy and it smelled so bad. I wonder how all the patient could live there for an extended time.  Nurses there don't do much. I felt like patients there are being violated with their living conditions when no one tend to pay any attention to that.

I talked to a couple old ladies there.  They seemed to happy to have someone come and visit them.  They told me everything about their family and their grandkids.  There was one lady that i talked to who taught me so much about life and being a better person.  She said that it doesn't cost much to be nice to others.  If I am mean to others, the result wouldn't be nice no matter who i am.  People treat me the same way as i treat them.  She said that living there is not that bad.  Things can be whatever you want it to be.  Life is too beautiful to be unhappy and feel pity for yourself.  In the end, it's all about what you are thinking and believing in.  She thought that I was only 16!!! haha... she was proud of her children so she told me all about them.  She said that one of her adopted kids is really pretty and she looks just like me... hehe    for once i felt good about myself and believed what she told me.  She said that i am nice and i made her so happy today.  I felt good that I did something nice today and that affected a person's life just for a short moment.  I had to leave her to meet up with my group to do some paper work and when i went back to her, i saw that she was waiting for me in the hall way on her wheel chair.  I'm so glad that my present is important to the lady's happiness. 

I also talked to a lady who couldn't do anything but sat on her wheel chair and stared at her family's picture.  She couldn't hear really well and she couldn't talk since she was really weak.  I held her hand and it was touching to be able to tell her how much i care about her fagile condition.  Her hand was very small and it was bruised from all the injection that i could only imagine.  It shaked so bad that i was able to hold it for a short time and had to placed it back to the hand rest of her wheel chair.

Life has so many meaning in it. To learn it, you have to get it from people you meet, even the stranger you saw today.  Things that they had to say to you could be another lession you have been seeking.  A hand shake, a warm touch on the hand, or a gental hug you give to someone who needs it can say alot more than what you are trying to say.  It's a way of communication that only you and the other person understand.  And it's the kind of communication that stays with the other person as well as to you.

I spent the morning running and swimming until I couldn't lift a finger.  It felt really good just to lie down by the pool and close my eyes for a while and listen to my breathing.  I made friends with a 5-year-old girl named Samantha.  We played in the pool for about an hour and she wore me out.  We played horse back riding in the pool and we both screaming like maniacs.  I enjoyed my time with her so much...

Then I went to get my hair cut real short.  You probably will be surprised when you see me now.  I don't think it's a bad hair cut but it's a lot shorter than when you saw me before.  Aren't you scared to see me now? 

Then I went home for a quick lunch and headed out for the concert until late tonight.  It was the second concert that i've been to in a row since yesterday and both of them are quite.  Anyways, the concert i saw yesterday was a really nice one.  I saw people got up and dance like no one was looking.  A woman looked so happy and dance around her husband and finally he got up and dance with her.  The later song was a slow song so they held each other and danced in circle. It was such a loving sight and I hopelessly wished that I was the woman and the guy was him.  It made me think of him whenever i saw young couple walking hand in hand. 

Later last night, when we got out of that concert, I saw at a distant a middle age man trying to walk and had to carry a chair back to the car with him.  I think he has some kind of desease that doesn't let him walk straight and he has to limp.  Limping with the chair was a very difficult task for him so he took a break every 5 steps.  Yet no one helped him and his family was way ahead of him. One lady looked back at him, waited for a while but impatiently left him standing there, catching his breath.  Why didn't anyone nearby help him?  My heart went out to him.  Then I thought about how lucky i am just to walk up straight and be able to take care of myself without any physical aid. God has given me so many things that i don't even dare to ask. It would be kind of me to use all i have to help others as the way He always wants me to. It is unfair for him if I just suddently take off and disappoint him.

Today's concert was as good as yesterday although it's a different kind of music.  One of the song reminded me about him.  If you have time, down load "I could not ask for more" by Edwin McCain.  It is a lovely song and it described how i felt about him prefectly. I really wanted to call him up to sing him the rest of the song but i didn't think he would want me to call... so i sang it and hope that he could hear it from way over here in Wisconsin.  In many ways, part of him is still with me.

I made another friend at the concert today.  His name is Daniel and he is about 15 months old.  He can't walk yet so he just crawls around to get to places. He looked at me so i smiled at him and waved. After a while, he smiled back at me and waved back. He even dropped his favorite drink, milk, to wave at me with both hands.  Then somehow, he crawled to me and touched my hand and my shoulder. His eyes were so blue. He was really chubby and that, again, reminded me about the picture i saw of him when he was about 4 years old. I don't know why but Daniel was very fond of me.  He kept on crawling back to me and tap on my hand. I think i have a way with little kids. I'm glad they like me about the same way that i like them. Even my roommate Katie mentioned that somehow little kids are attracted to me.  I'm glad    I just wish that not only kids but guys like me too 

Well, for the night, i don't know what to do.  Maybe read some of the romance books i still need to read or watch a movie with Katie  :) and all of the movie i have are chickflicks.  o gosh, it will be lots and lots of remindings about him tonight whether i want it or not.  no i welcome it and it makes me smile, a sad one, to know that i once was loved and happy just like someon from a fairytale.  thanks Michael for being the sweetest person i've ever known.  you know you are always on my mind.